One Planet One Love

Bad Habits

Lance Johnson from Phoenix, Arizona, USA

I've been a fan of Chris de Burgh since seeing his Don't Pay the Ferryman video on MTV. A long dream finally came true when I flew from Phoenix to Halifax to see him in concert in May 2003. Thanks to a friendly stage hand, I and some mailing-list friends were able to meet him back stage after the second concert.

I have no musical background and I apologize for my voice. :^) However, I did create and record everything myself, including the lyrics. At least my grand piano has some talent. :^P

I wrote Bad Habits when the CdeB mailing list challenged a few of us to write parodies about an ashtray. It seems there is a rumor going around that CdeB stated he could write a song about anything, including an ashtray. I believe that rumor was started by taking his words out of context, but be that as it may, here is the song about an ashtray. A special thanks goes out to Ian for being such a good sport about our parodies.

"What do I do next?" said the Ashtray to the Cig,
"I have spent my whole life waiting, preparing for this gig,
And now you say all the smokers are quitting and are lost,
The tax and many lawsuits have driven up the cost."

Then the Cig said "Oh my Ashtray, we must put them in the ads,
To turn kids into smokers just like all their dads,
For the businessmen and growers, and doctors who get rich,
Who will be Ashtray's Bad Habit, we must make our big pitch,

All the smokers are lost,
All the smokers are lost,
All the smokers are lost;"

"Tell me what to do," said Ashtray within his pit,
"I'm missing all my ashes for cigs are all unlit,
They tell me that all the smokers are trying to get rich,
By suing tobacco companies who have failed to make their pitch;"

Then the Ad Exec said "Boss, we must gather up the rest
In beer and drugs and alcohol to join our smoking quest,
All bad habits must be as one and amplify the dread,
You will be their leader, and let the cancer spread,

All the smokers are lost,
All the smokers are lost,
All the smokers are lost..."

Ooh, deep in a park, in a place with all the smokers,
There stood Goody Man, the King of the do-gooders,
Preaching and ringing and teaching and singing, around him his pupils pray,
Trying to stay awake; he spoke to them all day;

A messenger came, robe on his back and a bloom in his hair,
"The bad habits are coming!" he said, "I have seen their smoke in the air,"
In a tiff Goody Man gave him a kiss and hug
And he said "I know that this man loves,
They addict too much, the habits, we'll squash like a bug!

I break dependency, I am so pure,
I break dependency, and I will cure..."

Hotter they burned, the cartons of cigarettes and ashtrays,
Flicking their ashes out, and always littering highways,
And when the bad habits came through the entrance and they saw all the smokers,
They appealed to the courts and sued for their release;

They ripped off the nicotine patch, tempting the pupils with hash,
With drugmen and lushmen and Cuban cigars, They haze filled the city park,
The hippies were flying and smoking and high'ing, And the habits' holds were rough,
And Goody Man ran when he smelled their victory puff;

We cause dependency, Ashtray is King,
We cause dependency, and we will win!"

"What do I smoke now?" said the Ashtray to the Fool,
"I have spent my whole life waiting, and I am just too cruel,
Though addictions have disappeared, the memory still remains,
Of those bad habits together, could it be that way again?"

Then the Fool said "Oh you Ashtrays, you really make me puke,
With your talk of vast dependence, it really was a fluke,
There is only smarts and goodness in the men that live today,
The sins of the Bad Habits have long since gone away,

All the smokers are lost,
All the smokers are lost,
All the smokers are lost...
All the smokers."